Today I feel…

Today I feel awful. Tired. No beyond tired, exhausted, the kind of exhausted that it goes so deep that even your bones are aching, sore and tired of movement. Its bad. This feeling. I feel despair. Frustration. Anger at my lack of ability ,the lack of energy, and the fact that I, a 25 year old, have Che conditions that hinder my ability of acting my age. I have 2 young children, that I can’t keep up with, and that is so, so upsetting. Why camt I be a normal 25 year old? Or at least a normal mom who is capable of chasing after my two kids and playing games or taking them to the park? It is honestly unfair and I hate it. But it is my life. I’m constantly in pain. Constantly tired. Often exhausted. I’m unable to keep up with the house, or run errands that are my job me being the wife and mother. Yet I try, daily, I push myself, I often push myself to hard and I pay for it for days or even weeks afterwards. I often borrow the next days energy to finish today what I have to do and then am wiped out, unable to do more that absolutely necessary to care for my children and our dog, I often skip meals due to being unable to make myself a proper meal, which in turn makes things worse. I can’t always do things for myself because I use all that I have left to make sure my kids are taken care of. No my house isn’t clean, we have dirty laundry, sorry dishes, toys are scattered on the floor, our beds aren’t made, and I need to take out the trash. But my kids are fed and have clothing on, and I have to accept what my body can and can not due, I have limitations and I am struggling to learn then, to know when I have to stop and I’m terrible at it. I hardly ever take the first clue my body is done b3cause I have so much to do, I am often stuck in my head thinking “I’m only 25 I should be able to do this!” But that just isn’t my reality. My reality us a messy home, kids who play and make messes I can’t always clean up and having limitation that I just have to work around and often push to get done what must be done and accept that I just can’t do things a normal 25 year old can, that is my life, and i have to accept this, and i nred others to accecpt this as well, beacuae if they dont, im left pushing myself even further to meet the expectations they have set for me, and I just can’t do that, my health can’t handle that. And I’m writing this setting in the floor of a department store while my kids and husband are playing with the toys like pirates because I’m to work out to walk at the moment. I hate it. But this is my life and I’m doing the best I can to live it.

#mommyneedsmorespoons #Thisismylife #chronicmigraines #chronicpain #chronicillness 

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Migraine

I just went on a library hold fest, aka I rented over 30 books about different health issues and conditions that I myself have, whether it be diagnosed or undiagnosed as of yet. 30. It isn’t even like they are even all the same subject, I have 2 kids, what was I thinking?? HAHA There is no way I can read 30 books in 3 weeks, I haven’t even read 30 of my own non childrens books since having kids. LOL. Oh well, I will browse over them and see which seem most interesting and informative. I would LOVE to read some of the books that Ya’ll have found interesting or informative on your health condition,  post your favorites in the comments below!

There are a few that I picked up.

1. The Migraine Solution

2. Chronic Pain and Debilitating Conditions Resolution Make Unwanted Symptopms Disappear!

3. The Fatigue and Fibromyalgia Solution

4. Multiple Sclerosis the questions you have and the answers you need

5. Depression and other Mood Disorders

6. All abour ADHD a family resource for helping your child succeed with ADHD

7. Pain Tracking your personal guide to living well with Chronic Pain

8. Help, my body is killing me.

Those are just a few but if you have read any and thought there were good or bad comment and let me know, I would love your feed back. I am off to read, read, read!

#mommyneedsmorespoons

Update after a long stretch of being MIA….

  1. I write to you today from a very tired body, who has been under more stress than usual, and sleeping less than usual. I hope this short post finds you all well and safe as hurricain Harvey recently hit Texas, we are praying for all you spoonies and all those effected by this natural disaster. 
  2. I will (hopefully) be writing again very soon, possibly tonight depending on my new reading material I picked up tonight and how bad tonights insomnia is. 
  3. Any subjects anyone would like me to touch on in the furture? Ya know, other than writing on some kind of normal basis haha. I have no idea why my tablet is numbering these and I can’t seem to make it stop, so I apologize abaout that! Until next time… #mommyneedsmorespoons

Mental Health. Why is it taboo to talk about?

Hello, My name is Alivia and I am the author of this blog but it has been awhile since I have posted and I appologize for that, I have had to much going on, so much change in my life and so many things not going as planned including regularly posting on this blog. I want to jump right back in, so I thought I would write about something heavy on my mind, mental health. I have struggled with my mental health for many years, and as the years pass I continue to struggle and it seems the struggle continues to worsens as well. I have more issues to burden me, more stress, more responsibilies and my health continues to decline. But I am getting off point, I want to talk about how it is taboo to talk about mental health, or our lack there of. Why? Why is it okay to talk about a broken limb, cancer, or a tumor but not mental health struggles? I think it is because it is easier to dismiss it since it can’t easily be seen, now don’t think I’m saying it is invisible because if someone takes the time they can see the effects of an unhealthy mind, what I’m saying is that it is a hard subject to confront in our own lives and it is even harder to confront it in anothers life so we avoid the subject and when it comes we as humans act in a way this is frankly disapointing but is well, human, we regect the subject and we may even belittle the person, their feelings, even their symptoms, why? I honestly don’t have a good answer for that, I find if apauling, and frankly I find it disapointing for the human race to act this way towards another human, seriouisly guys, what gives!? Why can’t we just be supportive, kind and understanding? Why is that so hard? Please the next time you meet someone who struggles with a mental illness, be kind, let them know you care, let them know you are there for them, that they matter and that they are not a burdon just because they are struggling, you have no idea what that means to those of us who are battling our own minds, we struggle with daily tasks and thinking that we are an exreme burdon and we try to hide our struggle which often leads to the illness getting worse the more we try to hide it and that can lead to worse symptoms and can lead to suicide, we aren’t meant to fight alone, we are a social, we need support, we need understanding and love and compassion, not to be ridiculed, not to be belittled or a subject of hate or made fun of. PLEASE be there for someone, a conversation and support could save their life.

I hope you find this article helpful and relevent, I would love to hear your opinion on this post and to hear what YOU find relevent, and what you may want to read about, I would love to do research and write things that my readers are interested in. Tell next time, Alivia 

#mommyneedsmorespoons #mentalhealthawareness #stopthestigma #anxiety #depression #supportoneanother

What it’s like living with an invisible illness(s)

“It’s almost like living a double life; there’s the one that everyone sees and then the life you’re actually experiencing. It can get confusing when the two collide (which happens quite often) — I feel misunderstood, alone and like I can’t live up to what the world expects of me.” 

It’s as if I wrote this. It’s my life. No one understands, they think I should be “better”. There isn’t getting better, just better or worse days. No cure, no remedies, no food I can eat to make it go away, just things I can do to help a little bit and they don’t always work, having to rest and taking it easy makes it hard because it’s something I have to do, not that I always want to do, I want to have the energy and be pain free to do all the things that need done at the house, to run errands, to take my daughter to the park by myself, to go to family functions, but I’m often not physically able to do so, sometimes I’m not mentally able to. But I don’t say that, I have to say we can’t make it, or I’m not feeling well but no one understands and they have stopped inviting me to things because I often can’t make it, that hurts because i feel unwanted, and like I’m a disappointment because i can’t make when I really do want to I use can’t. I feel like a failure 99.9% of the time, to my family at home, my extended family, my “friends” which the latter list isn’t really existent anymore, they have all given up seeing me, me going out to have fun, they just don’t ask or check in on me anymore, I’m to much of a downer since I can’t go, boring, and so they have forgotten me. It’s hurtful, I understand since I can’t make it but I still want to feel wanted and cared about. Invisible illnesses suck because everyone only sees the outside where you look “okay” not the inside where your hurting, in so much pain you can’t walk or get out of bed without aid, where your so depressed that you can’t make yourself do anything to help yourself because you just feel like giving up, no one cares or wants to understand, they just nod and reply or tell you to do this or that to “cure” it, not understand that it’s incurable, even you have told them so. It’s a hard ( physically, mentally and emotionally ) and it’s lonely. Very lonely.

#mommyneedsmorespoons #chronicpain #chronicmigraines #invisableillness #prayforus #chronicillness #spoonie #spoons #fatigue #immorethanmyillness #migrainewarrior #depression #anxiety #anxietyattacks #panicattacks

Mommy Needs More Spoons
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Things I wish I could do.

It is so hard, I have big dreams, ambition, plans, yet getting out of bed and dressed and ready for the day is often a challenge, don’t bother trying to do much more than that. It sucks, I’m young, and I want to be able to do so much more than I’m able, than my body will allow, more than I do now. But, I’m not physically capable for doing all the things I need much less want to do each day. I just want to be able to have energy and be relatively pain free.

#mommyneedsmorespoons #limitations #chronicillness #chronicpain #immorethanmyillness

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Mommy Needs More Spoons
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Living with the guilt from being unable to do it all, it’s hard.

This is so true, yet harder than one may think. Guilt from being unable to do simple daily tasks we usually take for granted or not being able to go to an event or party, it’s hard and it hurts us, not only for ourselves but we feel awful for the people who invited us and they will feel left out or unwanted or unloved, when it’s not the case at all, it’s just we are to weak to do so many things, in to much pain to go out, and we have no control over it. We try so hard yet we always fall short of the to do lists because of our lack of energy, the constant pain and illness that we didn’t ask for. We try to accept the new way of life, but it’s not easy. Please remember that next time someone with a chronic illness  ant make it to an event, they want to go but physically we just can’t do it all. Be patient and kind to us. We need it, we are already hard enough on ourselves as it is.

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#mommyneedsmorespoons #chronicpain #chronicmigraines #invisableillness #prayforus #chronicillness #spoonie #spoons

Mommy Needs More Spoons
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