Today I feel awful. Tired. No beyond tired, exhausted, the kind of exhausted that it goes so deep that even your bones are aching, sore and tired of movement. Its bad. This feeling. I feel despair. Frustration. Anger at my lack of ability ,the lack of energy, and the fact that I, a 25 year old, have Che conditions that hinder my ability of acting my age. I have 2 young children, that I can’t keep up with, and that is so, so upsetting. Why camt I be a normal 25 year old? Or at least a normal mom who is capable of chasing after my two kids and playing games or taking them to the park? It is honestly unfair and I hate it. But it is my life. I’m constantly in pain. Constantly tired. Often exhausted. I’m unable to keep up with the house, or run errands that are my job me being the wife and mother. Yet I try, daily, I push myself, I often push myself to hard and I pay for it for days or even weeks afterwards. I often borrow the next days energy to finish today what I have to do and then am wiped out, unable to do more that absolutely necessary to care for my children and our dog, I often skip meals due to being unable to make myself a proper meal, which in turn makes things worse. I can’t always do things for myself because I use all that I have left to make sure my kids are taken care of. No my house isn’t clean, we have dirty laundry, sorry dishes, toys are scattered on the floor, our beds aren’t made, and I need to take out the trash. But my kids are fed and have clothing on, and I have to accept what my body can and can not due, I have limitations and I am struggling to learn then, to know when I have to stop and I’m terrible at it. I hardly ever take the first clue my body is done b3cause I have so much to do, I am often stuck in my head thinking “I’m only 25 I should be able to do this!” But that just isn’t my reality. My reality us a messy home, kids who play and make messes I can’t always clean up and having limitation that I just have to work around and often push to get done what must be done and accept that I just can’t do things a normal 25 year old can, that is my life, and i have to accept this, and i nred others to accecpt this as well, beacuae if they dont, im left pushing myself even further to meet the expectations they have set for me, and I just can’t do that, my health can’t handle that. And I’m writing this setting in the floor of a department store while my kids and husband are playing with the toys like pirates because I’m to work out to walk at the moment. I hate it. But this is my life and I’m doing the best I can to live it.
#mommyneedsmorespoons #Thisismylife #chronicmigraines #chronicpain #chronicillness